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Wednesday, 16 October 2019

Adding detail



BEFORE

During the holiday, I went to the beach with my friends. We saw there was a volleyball net. We asked a family if we could borrow their volleyball. We played volleyball for about an hour then had some lunch. Before we went home, we gave the volleyball back to the family. I had a lot of fun at the beach with my friends.

AFTER

During the school holiday, I went to the beach with my friends. We saw there was a volleyball net in the far distance that we could play with. We asked a family if we could borrow their volleyball because they had a volleyball but not a volleyball net. They said sure. The volleyball felt squishy and soft. We played volleyball for about an hour then had subway with fresh up juice and cookies for lunch. The subs were amazing and with the juice made it even better and the cookies had the right amount of sweetness. Before we went home, we gave the volleyball back to the family who kindly gave us the ball to play with. I had a lot of fun at the beach playing volleyball with my friends.

WALT add supporting detail/ideas to our writing
WALT write a range of correct sentence types 

Read this simple recount.

What do you notice about the recount?

Some of the sentences start with the same word we and it is not that exciting to read. 

What could we add to this recount to make it more detailed?

More exciting words and add more vocabulary. 

Edit this recount above to make it more detailed:

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